After years and years of sitting on ideas, I have decided to give content creation a go again.

For those who have not been following me for quite sometime with my content creation journey, I used to be an animator on YouTube. Growing up, my dream was to become an animator and animate not only on TV shows, but also to animate my own shows and clips. Due to many circumstances, the dream died.

Part of it was self-doubt. Part of it was outside influences like parental units. Part of it was “will I make money in this economy?” Lastly, a good chunk of it was “will the industry take me?”

Since becoming a cosplayer in 2012, but taking things more seriously in 2019, I’ve always wanted to talk about the thing I love the most aside from my family and friends: anime.

Anime has been a part of my life since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I grew up around the time of Pokรฉmon, Yu-Gi-Oh! Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, and many other 90s and early 2000s titles.

I’ve noticed a lot on YouTube that there are not so many content creators who discuss anime that are Black. When I mean discuss anime, I mean have in-depth analyses and observing series through a critical lens. If there are creators out there on YouTube, please send them over. I would love to watch their videos and support their work.

I want the Black anime community to relate to someone else out there aside from KingVader and RDCWorld. I would like to do interviews with different people in the anime community from a small, medium, and large platform so that they have their voices heard. Most importantly, I want Black femmes to be heard. As a Black femme myself, I often see or sometimes experience the gatekeeping being done by not only non-Black people, but also from Black men. I want to talk about the diverse pool of anime that I along with other Black femmes watch.

I also want to try my hand at conducting research. I haven’t done any qualitative or quantitative research since I was in grad school 4 years ago. For my YouTube channel as well as this blog, I want to talk about the studies I have done with people in the Black anime community in order to better understand why do they watch certain series and genres.

For the first time in a while, I am excited and passionate about a project. Even though I am anxious that I won’t finish up things, I want to continue to build motivation and the courage for myself to continue to create.

I hope that you all enjoy my content creation journey. Once my YouTube channel launches, I will update this blog and let you all know! Thank you to all that have supported my GoFundMe and other endeavors to help fund my project!


I Can’t Even do Basic S**t Without Being Targeted…

As of the start of me writing this, we are at the dawn of day 14 since George Floyd was murdered in plain sight. Ever since the news was revealed, there have been many thoughts in my head that looped over and over.

What if that were me? What if that were my brothers? My dad? My mom? Anyone in my family? What about my friends?

I’m exhausted. From not only learning of the news of George Floyd, but also of other deaths in the US.

Breonna Taylor. Trayvon Martin. Rodney King. Sean Bell. Eric Garner. Ahmaud Arbery. Sandra Bland. Amadou Diallo. Atatianna Jefferson. The list goes on and on.

Fannie Lou Hamer said it best: “I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.”

I am sick and tired of seeing my fellow Black siblings of life dying left and right. I am sick and tired of the media (and other people who don’t care/”agree, but…”) depicting our struggles and marching as awful. I am sick and tired of scrolling through my social media and having to teach others on how to properly do allyship. I am also sick and tired of having to teach people why things affect Black people differently. I’m definitely sick and tired of having to again scroll through my feed and some of the celebrities that I like that look like me not speak out about injustices that they face.

The fact that I can’t even do basic shit without being targeted is frightening.

I’ve seen so many times that people online have said that we need to tap out sometimes. True. Extremely true. But how long can we really be tapped out? The fact that the next one can happen at any point due to protests, rioting, and looting worries me. Not only that, we have to deal with our white and non-Black POC counterparts whether at work or online. The trauma will never end because we see that peaceful protesters are being targeted, injured, or worse: killed. Additionally, we have to sit and explain why these things affect us to people who aren’t Black and why we should be on board with abolishing the police.

For those who are asking: “what should I do” in this situation… I don’t know what to tell you anymore…

These issues are more than just police brutality. They range from the healthcare system to media to education to even housing and real estate.

The best I can say is to listen. Not hear. Listen. You will never understand the struggle of waking up everyday and praying that you will survive the rest of the day without being targeted by either law enforcement, healthcare, or housing. And when it comes to listening, do not apologize for being born into the race/ethnicity you were born in. By doing that, you’re dismissing our struggles no matter how unintentional it may be.

Also, don’t ask for statistics about police brutality, white on white crime and Black on Black crime because again, it dismisses our feelings as well as our narratives will never be heard because we need to display concrete information. For the people who are like this, reevaluate your approach. Do your own research and not ask for a Black person to do that for you. Which leads to my next point.

DO ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ YOUR ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ OWN ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ RESEARCH ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿพ. We as Black people are neither Google, nor a peer reviewed scholarly article, nor an encyclopedia. We are in 2020 and in the age of technology. We have resources available everywhere. From various tweets people have tweeted on their own experiences, to different blogs that are written, to even books that have been published. Do your own research. If someone is delivering services such as narratives and research or even actual formal education, compensate them. Some people actually do diversity, equity, and inclusion as their line of work. Pay them. Because someone took the time to break down a complex concept of systemic and institutional racism.

Open your purse… Donate. Donate to bail funds and organizations that assist with the education of civil rights. Donate to the various GoFundMe campaigns that are cycling around social media. Donate to local non-profits whose mission is towards helping out the community.

If you don’t have money, sign petitions. There are plenty going out to reopen various cases such as Breonna Taylor’s. There is a video that you can watch on YouTube that all the ad revenue goes to donating to Black Lives Matter and other organization in the Carrd above.

If you have children, start the educational process of racism at home. No matter how much you can try to avoid it, children will still be exposed to it even in the classroom.

Check in on your Black friends. A lot of us are hurting.

We don’t want Black Lives Matter to be just a trend each and every time racial injustice happens. Black lives should matter in everything that is done around you. Our injustices affect the status quo and we can no longer afford to be non-racist. We need to be anti-racist.

Thoughts on the Year 2020 So Far

I was listening to Mamoru Miyano’s song Unstoppable (STY Remix) earlier and was in a mood to listen to more of his songs. While searching up songs that came up at the top of my head, I realized something: two songs came to mind for the year 2020 so far.

The first song that came to mind was “Last Dance.” This song released as Mamo’s 18th single this year on January 29th. The music video aired on YouTube as of January 11th.

Last Dance by Mamoru Miyano

“Last Dance” was featured in the Winter 2020 anime season under the title In/Spectre (Kyokล Suiri). This song features a snazzy jazz beat. Trumpets blaring, rhythmic snaps, double bass strums, all the works. We as a society were prepared for our come back from 2019 being mentally exhausting.

Iโ€™ll save the last dance for you

Playing around like this
in a teasing way
Uncontrollable like you
I’m not messing around
It’s foolish
Let’s dance as we do
Iโ€™ll save the last dance for you

Mamoru Miyano, “Last Dance,” 2020

2020 was the year of our Renaissance. Our revival. Hell, the best damn year of our lives. A lot of us were ready to be reincarnated into our better and best selves. Some were going to be more daring. Others were going to try new things. Others even to do a full 180ยฐ career wise.

However, with the 20s, history has chosen to repeat itself: a plague.

COVID19 has shown a lot in humanity. There is still a lot of racism and xenophobia afoot. A lot of income disparity continues to reveal itself in many forms from real estate, to medical industry, to the workforce itself. And yet time and time again, people are selfish.

Throughout COVID19, in the United States, at least 30 million people have filed for unemployment as of April 30th. Countless of people cannot pay their rent or bills due to the long queue and slower turn around time. For the ones who can pay off their bills as they collect unemployment, they’re getting a whole lot more than their regular wages.

Here’s where a new order comes in.

New Order by Mamoru Miyano, Short Version
New Order by Mamoru Miyano, Dirty Orange Remix

What comes to mind for Mamoru Miyano’s 12th single and a song in his 2015 album Frontier, “New Order” is the Latin phrase “carpe diem.” We as humanity want to seize ownership of ourselves again. We want to seize the means of production. We want to seize change.

ๆœชๆฅใฏไธ็ขบใ‹ใ ใ‘ใฉ
ใ‚‚ใ†ๆ—ขใซ we can’t go back no more
ๅƒ•ใ‚‰ใฎ New order…
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…
ใƒ ใƒชใ—ใฆใ‚‚ๆญขใ‚ใชใ„ใง

It’s already been a long time since this impulse awakened
The future is uncertain but
It’s already too late we can’t go back no more
Our New Order…
oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…
Since I don’t want tomorrow to be boring
I won’t stop doing the impossible

Mamoru Miyano, “New Order,” 2015

What Mamo said is indeed correct. It’s already too late; we can’t go back no more. Things will not return back to normal. We are facing a new “normal” where we have to wear personal protective equipment and continue to practice social distancing. With summer quickly approaching in the Northern Hemisphere, the future is also uncertain. There are reports that COVID19 will have its resurgence in the fall and winter, where flu season also runs rampant.

We are also facing a new normal where uncertainty is even more anxiety inducing. How will our bills be paid in case there is another unemployment spike? How many more will die? When can we go back to doing things the way that we used to? The only thing that we do know is that we have to be more cautious on all of our decisions.

Hikari Sasu Hล E (Toward Where the Light Shines) by Mamoru Miyano


It’s not that we can’t fly
With growing wings
Once again, may the light come back to you
We won’t end it here
We’ll start over from here
Over and above, go further!
To cut through the darkness

Mamoru Miyano, “Hikari Sasu Hล E (Toward Where the Light Shines), 2020

Among the darkness, there is always light. There’s hope. There’s change that is for the better to come soon. Hikari Sasu Hล E, Mamo’s 19th Single, shows that we will rise from the ashes like a phoenix. Adversity whether it be a microorganism or a conglomerate, has chances to be overturned. The million dollar question is: what moves will you make to make a change?

Raise it up Raise your voice
Let’s make it louder
To the flight
In the sky
ใŸใ ๅ…‰ๅฐ„ใ™ๆ–นใธโ€ฆ

Raise it up Raise your voice
Let’s make it louder
To the flight
In the sky
Just towards where the light shines…

Mamoru Miyano, “Hikari Sasu Hล E (Toward Where the Light Shines), 2020

All lyrics were sourced from 1. Last Dance, 2. New Order, and 3. Hikari Sasu Hล E (Towards Where the Light Shines)